Four Weeks and a Day

Today, it has been four weeks and one day since a tragedy occurred. My beloved Mamusta S. was killed by a student who then committed suicide. Now, the mention of a handgun, suicide, someone dying, or praying in school are far more serious to me. The grieving process has been going well. From time to time, I cry over the loss. Sometimes I pretend that S. is with me, that we can still converse. It helps me think through things, because he liked to ask a lot of questions. Sometimes just pretending his presence is there helps to make the day brighter. Unfortunately, sometimes it has the opposite effect. For example, yesterday I went on a hike with my Health class, and on the way back, I thought to myself, "S. would have enjoyed a hike like this." Then, when I tried to imagine him walking with us, I couldn't picture him, and it brought me down. I suppose having people all about put it in perspective, which made it more difficult to allow imagination to have its way. Ah, well, life goes on.

Hopefully, in all this, my memories of S. will motivate me.