Stop Saying, "...in love."

Love. One little four-letter word with so much meaning behind it. Unfortunately, the meaning is often skewed, especially in Western culture. Matt Chandler said in his Bible study Recovering Redemption that our culture likes the idea and feeling of love but does not want to pay for it. Yes, pay.

A dear brother in Christ talked with me earlier about how he doesn't like the term "in love." I nearly jumped for joy at the discovery that I wasn't alone in that sentiment. My roommate knows full well that I hate the term. In fact, she has followed my habit of replacing it with the Bambi-coined, "twitterpated." Anyway, my dear brother in Christ said something rather poignant. "So much of loving a person is commitment and sticking by that. It does not make sense to say 'in love.' Do you just fall out? No, not if it really is love you have. Thank God for that." Our short discussion led me to a thought: Should Christians even use the term, 'in love,'? I don't think we should. Here's why.

I'll put this in plain terms. "Christian" means, "little Christ," as in Christ Jesus. We believe that Christ Jesus was the Son of God and the Son of man. We learn in I John 4:8, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." Okay, so to recap, Jesus is God. God is love. We want to be like Jesus. So, we are to be love. How is that done? John 3:16.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."
So, love involves sacrifice. Self-sacrifice, to be specific. When Christ died for us, He was displaying the ultimate form of love.

If this is love, how did we come to using the word to mean a fleeting feeling of excitement? Well, to understand that, we have to go a very very long way back. (This is my personal hypothesis, so please feel free to correct me if I have missed something in my historical accuracy.) In ancient Greek, there are four words for, "love." (I wish English had that, too. There would be so much less confusion if that were the case.) These were phileos (brotherly love), storge (affection, or maternal love), eros (romantic/sensual love), and agape (unconditional love, or God's love). Then the Roman Empire took over. It spread as far West as Britain. The idea of love being the romantic feeling had to have made it there. Somehow, as English was formed, the word, "love," became the end-all be-all for anything pertaining to phileos, storge, eros, or agape. As times grew easier (which took hundreds of years), eros began to slowly take over the meaning of "love," in Western culture. Just like the way Rome was just before it fell, we became enamored with the idea of romance and excitement.

We got lazy.

Is eros what lead Jesus to die on the cross? The Da Vinci Code conspiracy theory might have us speculate that, but I'm not buying it. No, it was agape. Agape is how we as Christians, little Christs, are called to treat others. This is especially true within a romantic relationship. When you say that you "fell in love" with them, you imply that you can fall or climb back out of it. "Whoops! I have all these interesting and exciting feelings towards you. I have no idea how long they'll last, but let's not think about that. Oh, you want to talk about our future? Pshaw, I don't think so. I'm outta here. Bye!"

Be a little Christ. Be someone who stands up for true love, agape. Stop saying, "...in love."

8 Observations About Young Men

Over the past few years, I have been granted the privilege of becoming good friends with a number of young men. It has enlightened me. I have observed a few things about young men in general:
1. They want to be useful. If you are hosting a young man (ex. making him dinner), DO NOT make him just sit there. You know how little boys have the stereotype of being really energetic? Well, that doesn't ever really go away. They just learn how to channel their energy. If they offer to help, let them, even if it's as small as, "Would you wash this cup for me?"
2. They want to fix things. Though it's along the same lines as their desire to be useful, young men want to solve the problems presented to them. If you need someone to only vent to, go to a woman. Men will give you suggestions on how to fix what you're venting about. Personally, I like this. When I'm thinking about something and I go to someone to talk about it, it's usually because I want advice. Young men are guaranteed to give a thoughtful response.
3. They are make good listeners. Granted, not every man is a good listener. Not every woman is a good listener, either. However, the men who try to listen well usually excel at it. The reason for this is they want to gather all of the information they can so that they can offer a solution. Again, this is why I usually prefer going to young men for advice.
4. They are deep thinkers. Young men are trying to figure out what kind of person they are going to be for the rest of their life. They think about this at great length, and far more often than they let on. I have had some of the most delightful conversations with them about the nature of God, how to allow Him to use us to love others, and even what Heaven is going to be like. The confusing part is the following:
5. Sometimes, they really and truly aren't thinking about anything. Unlike women, men are capable of thinking about absolutely nothing. One young man explained it to me this way: "We like to organize our thoughts in boxes. Sometimes, we need to go into our nothing box for a little while to clear our head." Thankfully, they are very aware that women usually have something going on in their heads, so they make a habit of asking, "What are you thinking?" So, next time you ask a guy friend that same question and they answer, "Nothing," they very well may be telling the truth.
6. They do, in fact, cry. I don't care how many times a guy tells you, "I just don't cry." They do. If they don't, something is wrong with their biological system and they must seek medical help. The reality is that some of them prefer people to not see them cry. Some of them admit that they cry, but still don't want others to see it. I have seen young men whom I thought would never let anyone see them cry tear up in front of me. [Somehow every time the "tougher" ones did it, there was always another mutual guy friend present.] When it comes to young men crying, though, don't push them one way or another. If they cry a good deal, don't tease them. If they aren't prone to cry often, don't push them to try. Keep in mind, some women cry a lot more than others. The same is true for men. The best kind of tears a man can produce are those out of joy. Second to that is compassion.
7. They pray for patience a lot. I ask how I can pray for my guy friends a good deal. I cannot tell you how many times each of them have said, "Patience." Patience with where they are in life. Patience with not having answers. Patience, patience, patience. The good part is that they know that they need patience. They say that the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. I wish I knew how often I was being impatient.
8. Sometimes fighting is fun for them. By this, I mean the kind of rough-and-tumble sort of fighting that guys do with each other.The film, "Braveheart" has a perfect example of this. Near the beginning, William and Hamish are young boys. William beats Hamish in a rock-throwing contest. So, Hamish hits him. William gets right back up and they proceed to hit each other, laughing all the while. This behavior does not stop at childhood. They continue to do this into adulthood.  Don't believe me? Watch "Fight Club" sometime. Maybe it's just me, but I find this behavior one of the most hilarious things to watch.

These are just a few of the many intricacies of young men. I'm looking forward to learning more about them in the coming years. And by the way, if you don't have a guy friend, get one. They're awesome. 

Prayer, Worship, and the Dog

I had a first today. I prayed for the family dog. My family owns a gray toy poodle (shown in my blogger profile picture). He's technically my brother's dog, as he was a present for his 7th birthday.
The dog does not have much appreciation for music. This is unfortunate, because my brother and I are musicians to some extent, and my parents like playing music from the computer. The notes will hit a certain range of pitches that makes him howl in protest. So, we usually have to send the dog to my brother's room when we play music in any format (other than straight vocals).
Today, I wanted to play some worship music without being interrupted by the dog. So, I prayed for him. "Lord, please protect [insert dog's name] ears so that he does not protest to my worship. In fact, let him worship you in whatever way nature does."
It worked. The dog did not howl, whine, or anything. I called him to me, and he rolled over for me to pet him. No protestations were made. As I type this post up, I am STILL playing worship music. He is lying on the floor about a foot away from me, perfectly content.
God is so good. He loves His creation enough to protect it so that it brings glory to Him. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For anyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks the door shall be opened." Matt. 7:7-8

"She's here!": A story from a young mother

I mentioned a few months ago a young family which was expecting a baby girl. The first week of December, she arrived. We students kept hearing, "You have to hear the story of how it happened." A group of us wanted to do something to say, "Thank you," for all this young family has done for us, so we prepared a breakfast-for-dinner meal for them on Saturday of that week. When we arrived to deliver the food, the mother (I'll call her M) was up and walking, holding the baby. We were a little surprised, but happy for her all the same. The father (I'll call him P) invited us to stay and hear the story, but only myself and one of the other students could stay. After the commotion of, "Thank yous," and, "Goodbyes," were over, we sat down. (I got to hold the little one.)
M began the story. She said that she had gone in for her doctor's appointment, having begun some light contractions. She was told that she was a certain number of mm or cm dilated. However, with her first child, it had taken about three weeks of on again, off again contractions before he was born. So, she went home and let the contractions continue. M had planned to go to watch a movie in the evening at a friend's house. She decided to watch the intensity of her contractions before officially deciding to go. Happily, she was able to go. The contractions continued, but were light enough that she could carry on conversation.
When M arrived home, her contractions intensified. She and P decided that she would lie in the bedroom and he would sleep in the living room, as her pains required a vocal release, so to speak. Around 3:00 am, the contractions were at 4.5 minutes apart. M informed P that it was time for the baby to come.
At this point, P took up the story. He went to pack the car and make the needed phone calls. Ten minutes later, M announced that she needed to use the bathroom. She commented that her thought was that it would be the last chance she would have to do so. P completed his packing five minutes later and announced so to M. He was about to ask, "Can you put your shoes on, your would you like me to put them on you?" when she cried, "She's here!"
P's initial thought was that M was crowning or something. However, when he walked into the bathroom, his wife was sitting on the toilet holding their daughter. He was shocked. He said that his first thought was, "I've failed." M said that the look on his face was a mixture of surprise and horror. She asked him if they ought to call an ambulance. (The afterbirth had not yet come out, and they were concerned that M might have internal bleeding.) P went to do so just as a friend of theirs arrived to care for their son while they were away. She helped M snap out of her own shock by suggesting they put a blanket or towel around the newborn.
The ambulance took M and the baby to the birthing spa they had planned to go to. M was checked for any problems at the destination and the baby was attended to.
Their daughter's name means, "blind faith." As I held her during M and P's story, I looked down at her from time to time and thought, "What a precious gift you are." Children truly are a blessing from God. Praises be that this little one has come into our lives. 

Blessed With Honorable Men

This semester, I have been taking a peace and social justice/religion class on nonviolence. Sexual harassment was brought up, and it got me thinking hard afterward. Sexual harassment is a horrible thing, no matter what some may say. It's amazing what peer pressure can do, though. I have been sexual harassed before, but statements like, "Where's your sense of humor?" "You're so innocent," and, "My head is so much deeper in the gutter than yours," pressured me to stay quiet. 

I came to terms with what the above situation was and became overwhelmed with gratefulness that things are so much different at my college. The men at my school are truly honorable. So, I wrote this poem. 

Because they are watchful

I don't walk in fear.

They keep their eyes open

So that I can blink.

Their respect for me

Means my good night's rest.

I don't need both mace and knife

By my side during the day,

And at night, they replace my weapons.

Their presence scares the shadows.

They don't have to hold my hand,

Though an arm is offered in the cold.

The unskypable silence is all I need

To know they'll be soldiers for me.

Daddy amassed an army here

Of men who love purity.

Every woman is a precious jewel to them.

To taint us would be a crime.

With a solemn vow they leave unspoken

They watch with keen eyes.

Quiet as lambs, they become our friends.

Alert as hawks, they listen for danger.

Fearless as lions, they put our safety before theirs. 

Ladies, if you have men in your life who protect you, be grateful. You are immensely blessed. If you don't know if they protect you, think about this: Do they walk you back to your dorm when it's dark? Do they ask about how you're doing? Do they quietly watch someone who potentially has a crush on you when they think you're not looking? Watch and see. You might be surprised how many are protecting you. 

Favorite People: A post inspired by a friend

I have a friend who made a post about her favorite people. These people inspired her in godly ways, such as enthusiasm over the little things. I decided to make a similar post, going from furthest back to newest.

This man, has known me since before I was born. In fact, he knew a little about me before I was past egg stage. He has been friends with my dad since his senior year of high school.

 He is like an uncle to me. Growing up, he would read to the children in our families with a voice they could put on the radio for bed-time stories.He has a sense of humor which I have enjoyed my whole life. It's silly, but it continues to create wonderful memories. 

Next up is the one peer who has known me since before I was born. We "officially" met while our mothers were pregnant. . 

Afterwards, we would see each other every year or so. We have never lived in the same state, but have maintained a friendship throughout the years. She is the closest thing to a sister that I haveThis young lady's laugh, smile, and determination make me thing of the joys which God has blessed me with. 

The next in line is a whole family of lovely people. This family was a source of help which no one else could supply. The father is laid back, never raises his voice, but makes his point clear. The mother is vibrant and outgoing. The daughter is much like her mother, yet more of a social

butterfly. She is two days older than me, and is the first person I have ever connected with immediately. The son is steadfast and a highly talented musician. (You should hear him on the fiddle.) The reason this family is so dear to my heart is they lead my family in training to go overseas. Without them, the experience wouldn't have been the same. 

This man unknowingly taught me the beauty of going with the flow. He seems like a regular Joe, but he has had many an adventure in his travels. Some of his stories leave me wondering, "How have you survived this long?" He is a filmmaker and recently won several awards for his documentary "Circle the Wagen," an adventure which led him to the discovery of a Volkswagen underground. Every time I see him, it's on the opposite side of the earth than when last we met. 

Since I reached college, I have been abundantly blessed with friends. However, these people are the ones who leave me in wonder of my Heavenly Daddy. 

This wonderful young lady I like to call "Frodo." She calls me "Sam." We go on little adventures here and there, share stories from our times overseas, and vent to one another. Sometimes we simply do homework in the same room, "just existing together," as she says. It's a comfort which she greatly enjoys. Frodo has shown me that sometimes words don't need to be said in order to understand that God's presence is in people's hearts. 

This incredibly beautiful family leads the Christian college group I attend. They are young, but still more experienced than the rest of us. As you can see in the photo, they have a 1-year-old son. What you can't see is that they have a little girl on the way. Their love for God and for one another is beautifully expressed by their commitment to each other and to us. 

And last, but not least...

This young man is a wonderful expression of Christ in my life. Though he has a child-like feistiness (as shown above), he also has a very adult level of wisdom. He has a tender heart which cannot keep tears back when it sees sadness, sees Christ in the unusual, or thinks of Heaven. I have cried with him over simply discussing what Heaven will be like. He is my college brother. 

These are not all of my favorite people, but they are at the top of the list. So many people have come and gone from my life who have shown me what God is like. 

When I see these people whom my Heavenly Daddy has placed in my life, I realize how truly blessed I am. I don't deserve to be this blessed. This is why it's a good thing that life isn't fair. Our Father gives us good things, and among those good things are people who inspire us to look to Him. I thank Him for them and know that there are still more to come. 

Poetry out of Joy

For the first time in a very very long time, I wrote a poem about something happy. I use poetry as a release of emotion, and so many times it's a stress reliever. However, the other day I couldn't contain my joy over seeing two friends whom I hadn't seen in months.

My life is brilliant.
My life is grand.
I saw a Jordan
And a Dan.
I'm up in the sky
My feet over trees.
I flew up there
With the greatest of ease.
"Why does she fly?"
You ask and ponder.
My spirit went up there
Because with theirs, I wandered.

I must confess that at the time I had the song, "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt in my head, and thus the first line was stolen. However, the rest is all original.